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America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions

Tonight on America's Got Talent, judges Piers Morgan, Sharon Osbourne, and David Hasselhoff sat for a round of contestants who had sent audition videos via MySpace. The crowd of Vegas act wannabes was pretty underwhelming, with only a few bright moments. It illustrates that in most cases, the acts that couldn't manage to get to a city for an actual audition weren't all that worth seeing.

America's Got Talent judge David Hasselhoff expressed excitement over these on-line acts at the start of the show, calling himself the CyberHoff. Unfortunately his moniker was the most entertaining part of the next twenty minutes.

America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions: Epic Fail

America's Got Talent of course set us up for these bad acts, since they saw the audition videos before deciding to put them on the air. Jerry the Elvis impersonator told everyone who would listen how amazing he was, and that he was a million dollar act. Nick Cannon asked one of his Vegas showgirls if Jerry was a little bit crazy, and she laughed and said she thought maybe he was.

The showgirl was apparently also crazy, however, for the girls' singing was just as bad as Jerry's. Jerry was monotone and not Elvis-like at all, and the act consisted of the showgirls walking up stairs and then opening up a large American flag. Jerry did not seem to understand at all why people were booing.

The America's Got Talent judges didn't understand what Jerry had thought was worth a million dollars. "I still don't know what happened, " David Hasselhoff said. "But it was very patriotic."

America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions: A Barrage of Bad

America's Got Talent next blazed through a barrage of bad acts, starting with a group of jump-roping kids who made a lot of mistakes and tripped up. It was obvious they were nervous, and I think if they got their act together better, they might be able to do something pretty cool. You just can't trip up on stage, however, and a jump roping act would have to be pretty explosive to ever earn a Vegas show.

Next we got a geeky guy Shaun, who couldn't carry a tune, and who looked perplexed when Piers voted "Not in a million light years." After that was crazy Don, who dumped a pitcher of water on his head and then screamed out some lines of Shakespeare.

Shaunie strutted out in silver stretch-pants and a t-shirt that said "I love boys who sparkle." He was covered in glitter himself, and did bad some singing, dancing, and strutting that America's Got Talent judge Piers thought was just plain weird.

America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions: Scaring Piers

I knew we were in trouble when America's Got Talent introduced us to Ashley, an 18 year old high school student with doe eyes and a quavery speaking voice--who said she was going to sing. She claimed to have a fan club on MySpace. With her bleached blond teased hair, black top, leggings and plaid mini, she ran enthusiastically onto the stage and promised to rock the judges.

What followed was thin, reedy singing that was out of tune. I was going to blame her unsteady performance on nerves, but then she covered the microphone with her hand and out poured this deep, guttural death metal screaming. Ashley won the "WTF?" award for this evening, as the teenagers in the America's Got Talent audience stared at her with dumbfounded expressions.

The judges were equally mystified, and Piers said it was the first time on America's Got Talent that he'd been "genuinely scared". David was a little kinder, saying he could respect the metal thing, but this probably wasn't going to be the right venue for her.

America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions: From California to Bollywood to Vegas

This group of college friends from Berkeley, California were full of energy and stormed the stage, shouting out their group name, "Ishaara!" Dressed in red and gold Indian garb, with the lead couple in green and gold, they vowed to knock the judges' socks off. "You already have!" David announced, lifting up his leg to show a red loafer and bare ankle.

With a chorus of laughs, Ishaara began their America's Got Talent act, which was an exciting and fun Bollywood recreation. There was some singing, lots of dancing, and a bit of a storyline about love, of course. The lead Indian-American boy was handsome and charismatic, dancing with a leggy blond California girl, and the entire troupe had tons of energy and stage presence.

The America's Got Talent audience loved it, applauding more and more as the act progressed. The judges pronounced that it did knock their socks off, and Ishaara is going to Vegas.

America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions: Aliens from Poland

After breezing past The Flash, a cute boy duo of acrobatic jugglers who are going to Vegas, America's Got Talent focused on Duo Design. These Right Said Fred lookalikes were well built, bald, with thick accents. They hit the America's Got Talent stage shirtless, wearing tie-dyed and tight stretch-pants Sharon was immediately interested, and the judges asked them to begin.

With music playing, the duo moved almost in slow motion, each move carefully calculated and executed. One man sat on the America's Got Talent stage with his legs spread out. Then the other man balanced on top of him--on top of his head, to be precise. Using only one hand for support, the second man stretched his body into the air, limbs fully extended and every muscle tightened.

Piers actually buzzed them out at this point, but the guys kept going. I'm glad, because the second feat was more amazing, and is difficult to even explain. Once again, one man balanced on top of the other. This time, the man on the bottom did a push-up, then lifted both feet off the ground. The man on top of him did the same, with only one hand balanced on his friends' back.

The America's Got Talent audience was stunned and intrigued, as were Sharon and David. David said they were "alien cool", and he breathed out an eerie "yessss" into the mic as 2001: A Space Odyssey music played in the background. Piers said they did have a certain bizarre appeal, but he found them too weird and passed. Sharon was the deciding vote, and she said yes to Vegas.

America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions: Tina's Face Says It All

Eddie Green claimed he'd been doing his act at a club and that people loved it. This inspired confidence, until he said that his act was known as Eddie Green and the Puppet Divas. He then brought out a large-size puppet resembling Tina Turner, who didn't appear to have any feet, and danced around the America's Got Talent stage with her. There were no fancy moves and the puppet didn't really do anything. Piers said that the puppet's bizarre expression said it all--"horror and bemusement". Tina will not be going to Vegas.

America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions: Old Time Music

Marcus Terell and the all-girl Serenades were four friends who'd known each other for ten years. Claiming a return to old time music with a modern edge, Marcus and his back-up singers hit the America's Got Talent stage. The girls were dressed in cute red, white, and black outfits and they strutted and danced across the stage helping the handsome Marcus sing "Hit the Road Jack."

Marcus was talented, with a smooth voice, but the girls fell into the strange area of "almost good." The singing wasn't bad, but it wasn't quite together, and didn't have the punch that it should. America's Got Talent judge Piers Morgan told Marcus he thought he was "brilliant" and could be successful, but he might have to ditch the girls.

Marcus was sweet, and said he'd stick by his friends, that they were all doing it together. Sharon said that she enjoyed the act, but agreed that the girls needed some work. She thought it was fixable, however, and David agreed. Marcus and the Serenades are going to Vegas.

America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions: Best Smile of the Night

Charles DeWayne Dorsey hit the America's Got Talent stage with a piano keyboard and a big, winning smile. He hoped for a good singing career to help his mom start her retirement. Charles kicked into his rendition of "Signed, Sealed, Delivered" and the America's Got Talent audience immediately loved him.

Charles definitely had talent, with a clear voice and a nice positive energy. I felt like he needed a little polishing, however, a little something more. The America's Got Talent judges were enthusiastic, however, and it was a yes vote from all three.

America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions: Made of Win

America's Got Talent next breezed through four winning acts that are going to Vegas. We had the Encore Dance Crew, who busted a move to MC Hammer. Then there was Alycia Cooper, a stand-up comedian, followed by the entertaining piano/violin duo N2UN. Finally we had Kara and Corey, a talented singer and guitarist with an appealing modern folk flavor.

Personally, I wished we could have spent a lot more of the America's Got Talent hour with the preceding acts, rather than on so many of the weirdos that didn't need to be there.

America's Got Talent MySpace Auditions: Here to Inspire

Heavy Vee was a 19 year old girl who wanted to show that women of size could do the hip hop moves as well as anyone. Dressed in bright colors and a tu-tu skirt over leggings, wearing Buddy Holly glasses, Heavy Vee danced her heart out. Honestly, if Vee were on a dance floor at a club, she'd look great. As Piers pointed out, however, she didn't move more than 3 inches on the America's Got Talent stage, so it wasn't exactly grand enough for a Vegas act.

Heavy Vee took it in stride, saying she'd really just shown up to inspire. Nick Cannon joined her on stage, then, and said maybe what she needed was a partner. He got them to turn the music on, then, and Nick and Vee tore up the America's Got Talent stage. Nick's got the moves himself, and he mimed a lot of bootie slapping and bum-bumping while the audience and judges ate it up.

Vee was happy that Nick "had her back", the America's Got Talent judges had a laugh, the audience loved it, and the MySpace auditions ended on a high note.

Read more of my America's Got Talent auditions recaps.

Watch America's Got Talent every Tuesday and Wednesday night at 9/8c on NBC. Visit the America's Got Talent official website.